What’s the first thing you do when you get up in the morning? Check the time? Make coffee? Read the newspaper? Check your email? 

 

Well I do all of those things except reading the newspaper. Old people read the newspaper. Another thing that I do is check my Facebook page. I’m not ashamed of it. I may be ashamed of some of the Lake Placid tournament photos that my virtual and real friends may or may not have tagged, but not of checking it every morning. In fact I check it roughly 10-20 times a day. Don’t judge me, I’m not the only one. 

 

Years ago myspace was the rage – it became accepted that everyone had a myspace page…and then it became accepted that getting your myspace page hacked was normal. Then you got fired from your job for having a myspace page. Now myspace is the freckled amputee stepchild of social networking websites. I refuse to even capitalize “myspace”. Facebook, or “FB” as it is known in text message circles, is the leader in online social interaction. 

 

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I love Facebook. I admit it. Like any dysfunctional relationship there are times when my love turns to hate or rage – like when my friends decide to post certain wedding photos that I was lead to believe were destroyed in a mysterious ball-peen hammer malfunction – but overall the FB and I are pretty close. Hahaha, F, B and I – I didn’t even do that on purpose…SO, taking into account the intimate nature of my relationship with Facebook, I was shocked to discover the secrets that harlot was hiding from me. Specifically, three groups that every lacrosse fan must join immediately after clicking out of this article:

 

3. LaxUnited. SHAMELESS PLUG, SHAMELESS PLUG, SHAMELESS PLUG! The only reason that it is shameless is because the group is pretty whack right now. The sheer number of members just isn’t there. It’s not you LaxUnited Facebook group…it’s me. I just feel like we’re not connecting. I still want to be friends, though. The best thing about this group is that several MLL players are a part of it and you can laugh at their horrendous profile pictures. One of them even has a cheesy freeze frame jumping-in-the-air-look-at-how-awesome-I-am-just-kidding-I-suck picture. See if you can find it before he sees this column and changes it.

 

2. 90% of Lax is in the Flow. Do you have a few hours to spare? Don’t watch SportsCenter 3 times in a row. This group has the best explanation of flow that can be found on the internets. Most people think flow is just hair. Oh, no, no, no. There are many, many factors to take into account. In fact, this group is my source for an as yet unwritten column on the definition of flow. It’s the wikipedia of flow. Go join this Facebook group and check out the gallery, because it doesn’t end with pictures of flow. Oh, no the pictures are just there to look at; the comments of D-bag bro-dudes are the reason to go through everything. I would advise against posting pictures of yourself - ever - in this group. Fat goalies and defensemen are absolutely CRUCIFIED over and over and over. It happens so often, that you almost feel guilty for laughing each and every time. Almost. I’m not saying you’re fat, you just might want to cut down on the midnight Wendy’s runs is all. 

 

1. Paul Rabil. Yes, it is simply called “Paul Rabil”. This group is amazing. One of my players sent me the link to this group and I knew that I must join it. The first thing that you see is John’s Hopkins standout Paul Rabil’s roster photo digitally altered to give him a handlebar mustache and a monacle. Then you see the facts. Oh, sweet mercy the facts…Chuck Norris wishes his fun facts were this random and awesome. I really wish I had access to this material last week when I taped the Rabil vs. Danowski draft debate. There’s some serious gold in there. My favourites:

 

- One time in practice, Paul Rabil missed the goal, and a small child in china died.

 

- In a bar Paul Rabil once put his finger to his upper lip (ie a mustache), and all the girls in the place became pregnant

 

- It was reported by Entertainment Tonight that Paul Rabil is main cause of the following celebrity break ups: Britney Spears and Kevin F, Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson, Bonnie and Clyde, Eva Longoria and Tony Parker, Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee, Donald Trump and all 6 wives, Hugh Heffner and his first wife and all of our parents.

 

Yes, Paul Rabil is the reason your parents are divorced. That one is true.

 

If you have a Facebook account and you are a lacrosse fan, you owe it to yourself to join all three of those groups. I’m sure there are dozens of other lacrosse groups out there as well. I just wanted to make you aware of my favourites so you can further gauge my level of derangement. 

 

Oh, and don’t friend me after you read this – those pictures die with me. 

 

I mean it.