Why We Fight
By Dan Freshman
Things you can buy for $10: a 4 minute call to Myanmar, a pair of argyle Polo socks, an Alan-Dershowitz-themed pastrami sandwich at Fenway Park…
…or a ticket to the 2009 MLL All-Star Game.
That’s right: to see the best lacrosse players in the world costs $13 less than a Twilight laminated bookmark.
Still, tickets probably won’t sell out for Thursday’s 2009 All-Star Game. But in two purchases, that bookmark will.
Last year, I chided the MLL for broadcasting hi-def feeds of empty seats in over 10 locations in all 64 of the league’s games last summer. Now, there’s only six teams, 11 nationally-broadcasted games and even fewer fans to witness it. And now, I’m tired of going after the teams.
I’m coming after you instead.
You claim to be a diehard lacrosse fan. You have half a dozen sticks sitting in your garage. You salivate when you stumble upon televised games. You talk smack on a lacrosse forum against prepubescents from North Dakota—and have no shame when you do it. It tickles your pickle when the mainstream media covers lacrosse.
And you still don’t go to MLL games.
How can you call yourself a diehard lacrosse fan and not go to pro games? How do you claim to support lacrosse when you don’t support professional lacrosse? How can you say you want the sport to grow when you don’t help professional sport grow?
To that same diehard lacrosse fan: I’m watching you. My eyes are glued to you harder than a 14-year old’s stuck to Megan Fox’s studded white pants in Transformers. I read everything you say on message boards about the MLL. And I also read the posts about your embarrassing jockstrap rash you get every time you run sprints during practice. It’s my job. And it’s now time to address your problems.
For example, why doesn’t one fan attend Lizards games?
“Cantiague for free or the Lizards for $20/seat? Not to mention half of the Island is off at tournaments all summer.”
For those of you who don’t know what Cantiague is, it’s a summer league on the Island, featuring some top homegrown college players keeping their sticks hot during the offseason. So yes, why pay a few dollars to watch the best professional players in the world when you can watch a glorified summer league with half the talent in a recreation park off a highway? People have joked that the MLL is a glorified summer league, so why not just cut to the chase and watch an actual summer league?! In fact, I’ll pass on those “Brady returns to Foxboro” tickets because I heard my six-year-old neighbor with the lazy eye might be throwing around a football in his pesticide-ridden backyard next Sunday.
Aside from the allure of watching recreation park pick-up games, what do the same fans not like about the MLL?
“I think the reason that teams from hotbed areas don't succeed is because the people there want to see real lacrosse. While the players in the MLL may be the best that the game has to offer, I'd much rather watch a college game where the players play with complete passion and don't go behind the back every third shot. I also would rather watch a team game where defense matters.”
Yes, the players play without passion—especially the Cannons and Lizards. They’ve played in six straight one-goal games over the last three seasons. Two of those games went to overtime, and one was decided by a miracle half-field pass to a slam dunk shot at the buzzer, a play that made SportsCenter.
Take the latest one-goal powernap, televised on ESPN yesterday. Two fights broke out between players, the best goalie on the planet smacked the best midfielder on the planet in the face, the second- and third-place teams in the league exchanged 18.5 penalty minutes and the same goalie stuffed a point blank shot from the possible Defensive Player of the Year as time expired. Another passionless game for the fans who should be at Cantiague.
I admit, I can’t motivate every player in the league. But maybe I can deal with a fan’s…spiritual side.
“Whenever I watch MLL on ESPN, I just cannot detect the same fun, the same energy, the same spirit that I love so much when I watch the college game. Pro lax to me just doesn't fit. There is a dimension to this game that for whatever reason just doesn't translate well into professionalism. Somehow, it seems to me that the game should be kept pure—that is, played for the love of the game, for the spirit of enhancing the community you come from, to better yourself and the well being of your comrades. That is to say, lacrosse should remain an amateur sport, only.”
There’s the answer. Lacrosse simply should not exist beyond the college level. I mean, we all worshipped those All-Americans for their four years, but after they graduate, they simply don’t matter to us anymore. That’s the rule. It’s like that show Dollhouse that nobody watches. Except college lacrosse players are our love toys and we throw them into an underappreciated professional league instead of the attic.
I mean, those lacrosse “purists” like to reminisce about that All-American for Maryland in ’96. Whatever happened to that guy? You say he’s still playing? At Cantiague? No, professional lacrosse. Oh. Too bad.
It’s true: the MLL hath “profaned with its unworthiest hand” upon the virginal body of lacrosse. Because a professional league has never helped a sport. Let’s keep the game to the preps schools of the Northeast and place an embargo on mesh and the name Rabil to anyone outside a pastel colored short not named Brantford.
Then again, all this fan is out to do is help the game of lacrosse.
“Gimmicks” like the behind-the-back shot still plague the league this season. One fan noted above that the trick shot accounts for one-third of all scoring attempts in the league. Others note that ploys like the two-point shot and shot clock taint the game. Two-point goals account for 5.6 percent of the goals scored this season. And while I can’t calculate behind the back shots, the latest televised ESPN game featured two out of 72 total shots—2.7 percent. Just under that alleged one-third. Must have been a fluke.
Instead of professional lacrosse, make a much more worthwhile purchase this summer. Pay a few more dollars than what a ticket would cost for a straight-to-DVD Blu-ray of “The Librarian: Curse of the Judas Chalice.” Noah Wyle as an arse-kicking librarian preventing the resurrection of a vampire spawned from the silver of biblical Judas. That way, you can see how it looks cinematically for someone to backstab a loved one.
Again, this is out of my hands. I’ll try one last time to fix your problems. How about lacrosse and the media?
“no not laxunited.com....i don't want a rap video with my lacrosse highlights..i don't need to see Paul Rabil jump in the air 5 times before the ball goes in the net...i want real simple commentary and simple highlights...call me old fashion..and its not like I am old by any stretch... but what laxunited puts out is garbage (the video stuff is writing isn't always great but it get the job done sometimes).”
…Alright, you have a point. Thanks for the compliment on the writing, though.
To review, last Saturday’s 4th of July Machine home game drew fewer fans than Allsvenskan—professional Swedish indoor stick ball. Though average league attendance is higher than last year from contraction, it’s still trumped by Filipino Professional Basketball and is just a shade higher than Minor League Arena Football.
I wonder: do Filipino Basketball aficionados skip out on their sport’s games too?
There are 15 games in the MLL left this summer. That’s 15 chances you have to grab one of those final two laminated bookmarks or enjoy that “Dersh” sandwich.
Support your sport.
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