The Best Lacrosse Team ever.
If you could assemble the best lacrosse team of all time, who would be on it?
It’s one hell of a question. It may be the most challenging column I have ever written. It’s more than a column - It’s a book. I mean, I have nothing to lose; it’s not like I’m going to shed tears over making someone angry. There is no fear in this dojo.
(Let’s see you intern hacks steal this article. Little piece of advice: stick to game recaps and fluff pieces. This is my world.)
Some rules, perhaps? I’m going to limit this team to guys that played in the MLL. That’s generally a given. So there will be no Dave Pietramala, no Del Dressel, and no Frank Urso. I’m also going to pick players “in their prime”, meaning that each player will be chosen based on their best season. The player’s current age is not a factor, nor is their participation in the league this season.
One last rule: One Powell, One Gait, and One Junior. We all know I could pick three Powell's, two Gait's and Audrina Patridge wearing pasties (sing it like 12 days of Christmas, trust me, it lands), but this rule just makes things a little harder.
Where to begin? How about on defense? Believe it or not I’m more of a defensive guy. I’m huge on zones with backers, traps and doubles. Hell, I’ll double on Man Down if a team runs the same Man Up too many times. Fundamentally I like to have three types of defenders on the field at all times: A big hitting crease man, a menacing takeaway guy and a sublime ball handler. I’ll get to the LSM later on, as I classify them as special teams players. Few refer to longstick mid’s as special, but being a former LSM myself I feel like they need the attention. My three starters on D are:
Pat McCabe, Nicholas Polanco, and Rob Doerr. These three defenders couldn’t be more different, but they are all the class of the sport. I chose them because they are the best at what they do. They have a unique brand of skills, skills they have acquired after long careers, skills that make them a nightmare for attackmen. If you concede that they are the best players ever that will be the end of it. But if you don’t they will look for you, they will find you, and they will kill you.
Pat McCabe (Best Season: 2003, 49 ground balls, one Penalty minute) is the best stay-at-home crease man to ever play the game. No one has ever had the game sense that this Long Island Lizard had in a ten-foot radius around the goal. The first coach that said, “slide to kill!” got the idea from watching McCabe play.
Nicholas Polanco (2003: 53gb’s, 11 PIM) is a great player right now. But if you think he is great now you should have seen him in ’03 when he played for the Bridgeport Barrage. He didn’t just check his opponents, he mugged them. He took their identities away from them. He made them his bitch. I saw it with my own eyes. You can compare him with Brodie Merrill all you want, but the big difference is that Polanco didn’t care about running the ball up field. He didn’t want to fire the gun, he wanted to use the gun to pistol whip people until they submitted to his will like wee little puppet men.
Rob Doerr (2001: 16 gb’s, 12 PIM, Defensive Player of the Year) is the best ball handling defenseman to ever hold a longpole - apologies to John Gagliardi, but its true. Well if he’s so good how come he doesn’t have any assists? I can explain that by saying just this – if lacrosse were like hockey and “second assists” were given out for passes that lead to goals, Rob Doerr would have more than anyone in the history of the MLL. Doerr has his own pocket named after him, it’s called “The Revolving Doerr” and it’s effing impossible to string. Do any other players have pockets named after them? No, they do it. Doerr shut you down took the ball and jogged back to the restraining line and waited for you to try again.
My back ups at…the back are: Ryan Curtis (03: 41gb, 14 PIM), Christian Cook (02: 46gb’s, 0 PIM – yes, ZERO penalties), and John Gagliardi (08: 46gb’s, 3 PIM). Here we have defensive players of the year, lock down D men and one guy that wields a pole like he’s Darth Maul. We also have a government agent, A D1 head coach and a guy that owns his own lacrosse company. I expect no less than complete dominance in life AND on the field from my players.
So who backstops these titans of defensive industry? Well, there can be only one. The greatest goalie to lace up his kicks and step in between the pipes is –
Greg Cattrano (2002: 61% save percentage, 11.96 Goals Against Average) is the guy. I know it’s not Doc, but I take Cattrano in 2002 over Doc simply because Cat offers more than shot stopping and trash talking. He brings athleticism, he brings phenomenal dangle and he brings inspiration. Doc tops Cat in career goalie numbers, sure. But Cattrano inspired a new generation of goalies to leave both the cage and the buffet lines. Goalies Brett Queener would not exist were it not for Greg Cattrano (or Ritalin).
My back up was Sal LoCasio (01: 57% sv, 12.96 GAA)…but since I’ve rewritten this article more times than a neurotic 6th grader has rewritten a book report on “To Kill A Mockingbird”, I’m changing it to Doc. Brian Dougherty (06: 63% sv, 11.6 GAA) has more records than you can imagine. He has the MLL career record for the following categories: Minutes played, Wins and Saves. He also has the most losses and 2-point goals allowed, but those stats come with playing more games than anyone else. Still, Doc fans and disciples (do those exist?) should be satisfied with his inclusion – he’s a clutch goalie who can step in for big Cat at any moment.
We’ll work our way up from the back with the special teams before we get to the midfield. Face-offs begin and end with Paul Cantabene (63% Face-off win percentage, 156 ground balls). Cantabene is the all time leader in Face-offs won (1015) AND ground balls (538). Cantabene had a league record 23 ground balls in ONE game. That’s like a ground ball every three minutes. Cantabene was more than a face-off man though; he revolutionized the position with his dominance. His moto-grip style is now used by some of the best draw men in the game, including Bene’s heir apparent – Alex Smith (2008: 63% FO, 94 gb’s). Smith is my second FO guy – if I can afford to have one on this roster. I ca of course, because its my column and I want two FOGO’s. Shut it.
Now I want two LSM’s. I’ll take Brodie Merrill (2007: 101 gb’s, 5g’s, 9a’s) and Kyle Sweeney (2008: 47gb’s, 5g’s, 2 PIM). These picks are fairly self-explanatory to anyone that has seen a game in the last three years. There have never been, nor will there ever be again, two more dominant longstick midfielders. They are fast, big and relentless. Merrill and Sweeney are absolutely sinister in their pursuit of the ball carrier and change offenses just by stepping on the field. Connor McCloud was wrong, there can be only two.
That being said; come back next week for the second part of THE GREATEST MLL TEAM EVER.
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