There were many variations on the title of this column. They ranged from complete rip-offs (“There Can be Only One”) to abject failures (“Western Con Air”). I feel like titles are criminally underrated. Would anyone have seen “Cloverfield” if it was called “Blair Witch Project with a Giant Crustacean”? No, they wouldn’t, because that title would have given the movie away. At the same time, I can’t abuse the mystery tip on titles for my articles because it feels like fraud. I defraud enough people in the actual articles, there’s no need to do it to my reader(s) as well. I like to throw a little truth in my titles, if only to balance things out.

 

So what’s this [title] all about? Well, the Denver Outlaws have become the first franchise to clinch a playoff berth this season by winning the western conference in semi-dominating fashion. At 7-3, the Outlaws own the best record in the West by 1.5 games. The team underneath them is the LA Riptide and they’re 5-4. The other West Coast teams, Chicago and San Fran, are both 3-7. 

 

Meanwhile in the East there’s been in a cat-fight for first place between Rochester, Boston and Homeless. Long Island was looking to pull a post-Pulp Fiction John Travolta level comeback but was thwarted by both the Cannons and the…Dragons (really?) in the last few weeks. Still, the Liz are .500. The Eastern cellar dwellers are Wash and Jerz this year but only Washington has as many wins as the Western Conference chimney cleaners. 

 

So, why does the Eastern Conference have three teams that are poised for the playoffs and the West only has one? How has Denver managed to become the one team in the West that can beat anyone in the league?   What is wrong with the other Western Conference teams? 

 

The easy answer to the Eastern Conference’s success is that the teams have been around longer. That’s a novice answer, though.   Every Western Conference team has made the playoffs except for Chicago. The Western Conference had two playoff spots (regardless of record) until last season, but in 2006 San Fran made the playoffs on their own merit with a 7-5 record. Since that season, the Western conference teams have played almost three quarters of their games against each other. They have become complacent with just beating each other’s skulls in. Like a group of jilted bigamists, they know each other too well. 

 

It’s not like the West can’t produce good teams, last year LA was 9-3 and played spoiler to the heavily favoured Rochester Rattlers in the semi finals. However, LA’s collapse this season has been damn near legendary. The Riptide split two Eastern conference match ups, besting Rochester by five goals, but fell short to Long Island by one. This past weekend, LA managed to beat the Homeless Barrage 13-9 in a low scoring affair adding to the mystery that is the Riptide. On second thought, it’s not really a mystery – just roll into G-dub’s office and pull off the mask to reveal former Pride GM Trey Reeder. He’s been trying to destroy the Riptide and Kyle Harrison’s career all along….And he would have gotten away with it, if it wasn’t for you kids and that dog!

 

Everyone knows how poorly San Fran have done this season. There’s no need to add to their suffering. I am past the point where Dragons slights are even funny anymore. I just feel bad cracking jokes about them now. Would you make fun of a dog that had been hit by a car on the side of the road trussed up in purple and black ribbons and barely breathing? No, because that’s not funny. No more San Fran jokes for a while. The Dragons make do with what they have; they just don’t have enough.

 

Chicago is probably one of the most talented teams in the league. Unfortunately, they’re also one of the most perplexing. The Machine have played LA three times. On the third try they came out on top. They have also played San Fran three times and only won once. So, the Machine are responsible/to blame for two of the Dragon’s three wins. How does that even happen? I’m not talking about the wins; I’m talking about playing two teams three times each. Chicago is a central team, there’s no reason that they couldn’t have played Boston or Long Island just as easily as San Fran and LA. Regardless of schedule, the Machine have fallen short of expectations and come up short in the fourth quarter of EVERY game they have lost. Chock it up to inexperience and/or coaching if you want, it’s just a puzzling stat.

 

Denver is the only franchise in the West that has taken advantage of their schedule. The outlaws have only lost two games against Western conference teams - the infamous LA blowout and the revenge facial against the Machine. So how does Denver do it? What is their secret? 

 

Denver just curb-stomps people at home. 

 

They’re 5-0 at INVESCO field with an average goal differential of 5.2. They opened the season with a ten-point rout over LA and also hold an eight-goal victory over New Jersey. Denver has every conceivable advantage at home. High altitude. Great crowds. Immaculate facilities. They even have good food (or so I’m told, I wouldn’t know – I only get sent to Rochester). An undefeated home record goes a long way to clinching a playoff berth, but the real reason that the Outlaws are on top is more complex.

 

Denver’s in the top five in almost everything. Shots. Face-off percentage, ground balls, shooting percentage, shots on goal percentage – all of it. People say that it’s just their offense that brings them success, but it’s not the offense. Its quite literally every intangible AND the sick offense that brings them success.    

 

Denver has seven players with more than ten goals. They have four players with more than ten assists. They have five players with more than 20 ground balls. They have goalie that leads the league in goals against average. 

 

And now they’re my pick to win it all.

 

JINX!