10 MLL SUMMER TRENDS - By: Dan Freshman
Summer is officially a week away, when Paul Rabil’s massive forearms forcibly tilt the sun towards the earth and lead to two months of warm weather, summer ball and unadulterated MLL flow.
Summer is a special time for lacrosse, unique to every other sport. Simultaneously, players enjoy reckless summer ball games, high-level recruiting tournaments and weekly games from the best players in the world. In many ways, summer surpasses spring and winter for lacrosse, where players are free from Canadians bashing skulls together in converted hockey rinks and dictatorial coaches who commit endlessly to the bottom hand, the necessity of the overhand shot and the current season is hopeless because the entire team didn’t prepare enough.
Ergo: summer is your time. So rock it. Experiment. Don’t wear your team’s colors. Try that shot you’ve been dying to use. Defy all odds. Are you a portly fellow? Be like Tom Zummo and show that the stout man still can have wheels. Are you an awkward, lanky defenseman? Be like Brodie Merrill, rock that ginger flow and score more goals than half your team. Do you look absolutely ridiculous in high socks? You still probably do. But be like Casey Powell and score a lot of points anyway.
To find inspiration for this experimentation, look no further than the “greatest professional outdoor lacrosse league in the world” (note: and the only one too. Just saying). The MLL could use more player appreciation/worship/man crushes/bro-mances/stalking/restraining orders. And following these style cues from the MLL’s best would be a fine start.
Here are 10 things fans should start copying this summer:
10) Ridiculous flow. Everyone already knows about flow. I’m not talking about the simple tuft of hair that protrudes out of your helmet on occasion. I’m talking about the wild, itchy, yet glorious mane of flow that lances out of the helmet and falls down to your shoulder pads. That’s the new flow. One lacks flow if he doesn’t go that far. And San Francisco Dragons midfielder Jarrett Park defines that flow.
Take a look:
The way the ocean breeze gently wafts it in the Northern California air. It’s absolutely beautiful. And can be replicated with the right head of hair and a bit of patience.
9) Ridiculous facial hair. This would have been ranked higher if it were possible for more neon-pink-wielding lax junkies. Quoting the pant-less baby faced assassin, “I could grow out a moustache for 20 years and it wouldn’t look as full as [Kevin Dougherty’s].” Then again, he’s the baby faced assassin. Who needs to borrow LaxUnited intern Tim Pelletier’s big-boy pants (don’t understand the joke? Then go watch Kyle and my Roadshow. Now). But then again, neither could I.
Kevin Dougherty’s moustache is a thing of beauty. It brings us back to the heydays of professional athletes where their sweet facial hair would be on par with porn stars. And who doesn’t want a porn star moustache come summertime?
Revel in its beauty:
And when that facial hair becomes a bit too nappy, simply shave it all off and become a Patrick Dempsey aka “McDreamy” look alike:
Dougherty McDreamy
Porn star ’stache or McDreamy look alike, one can’t go wrong.
8) A maple leaf’s extra protection. For those who have ever spent hours wondering how no American can defend John Grant Jr., it’s because of his flow. Not his hair. But that extra, duct-taped bicep pad that he straps to his already-bulky armguards for every game makes the difference. Because equipment is all that matters in lacrosse. It’s everything. Tell that to mom or dad.
Grant’s bootleg arm shield makes a fun target for any pole, while he slips by an entire defense and tosses a between-the-legs shot en route to a goal. And for extra flow points, tape the arm shield in a color of your choice. Neon green is my personal favorite.
7) Shorts off the island. Cannons attackman Adam LoGiudice may not garner lots of playing time on the field, but from what I hear from the Cannons dance team locker room, he gets plenty off the field (that’s a joke. Please, don’t sue).
Sexy, can I?:
One more, for Cannons Communications Director Stephanie Krauss:
The madras shorts are a perfect compliment to the summer short line. Own it. Don’t be afraid to throw out a few Blue Steel’s here and there as well.
6) Swim moves. Paul Rabil forced Point Streak and the MLL to invent a new statistic: SSD’s—successful swim dodges. I’m still waiting for “FLO” to become a statistic, but I’ll take that one up with Mr. Gross the next time I step into the MLL offices.
Rabil went a scintillating 15 of 17 on Memorial Day. Mikey’s been swimming over foes yards taller than him since his prime at Syracuse. Kyle Harrison can’t score, but at least he can swim too. Statistics show that the swim move makes goals 150% awesomer and guarantee an appearance in a LaxUnited highlight clip. Make the swim move, and your awesomeness will be known.
5) LaxUnited polos. Speaking of the greatest lacrosse Web site in the world, haggard old men sporting our signature navy blue polos are popping up everywhere—even on television. Nothing made me happier than when “Da Chazz” appeared on local television, reciting his authentic LaxUnited rap in front of what must have been thousands…hundreds…dozens of Mass-holes. Our influence is spreading, man. I’m proud to rock this Camp David company custom polo now—even if it’s a size too small and makes my arms look even more like noodles.
4) Cascade Pro7’s. The official helmet of Major League Lacrosse is the official helmet of Major League Lacrosse because it is easily the most advanced helmet in lacrosse today. Some noodle-armed keyboard warriors, however, chide the Pro7 for what it brings to the table. Here’s a post from Inside Lacrosse’s LacrosseForums.com:
“…they also dont look good at all it makes players look like little kids plus cpx are almost as protective as a pro7 they over did it with pro7 those are the design hockey helmets have nd we dont get hit as often or as hard as hockey players”-duffydefense4
Another response:
“im still confused as to why helmets are getting incredibly almost overprotective
lacrosse is not a helmet to helmet or bodies crashing into each other as in football, i know that you can get a concussion from a headshot but it doesnt happen as often to field players as it does to goalies even then i remember that our goalie only took one head shot all season and it was a full field lob and he wasnt looking”-nikewarrior5
This is why our elders lack faith in the youth of the nation.
Any fool who believes a helmet is “overprotective” heartily deserves a concussion. He can have one of mine, one of Mike Battista’s, one of Trevor Tierney’s, one of Jay Jalbert’s or one of Kyle Devitte’s nine.
For one, Pro7’s create delicious flow. But nevertheless, please wear a Pro7 and save yourself from getting your bell rung. Or else, you may end up as clueless as these two.
3) Black is back. Brodie Merrill is twice as scary because of his all-black stick. Therefore, everyone had to follow suit to match Merrill’s ginger-spiced terror.
Tom Garvey. Mike Leveille. Merrick Thompson. Da Chazz. The list goes on who have gone black—and will never go back. Black heads may bake in the sun, but that’s the risk of looking your best come July.
On that note—one trend not to do: give yourself the nickname “Da ______.” Chazz can barely own it, but nobody else can.
2) Attend MLL games. Unlike a few players who can skip practices and games for rock gigs, you’ll see just about every MLL player on the fields this summer. Do them a favor and follow suit.
Attendance has been strong as usual in Denver, Boston and a few other franchises, but some teams are still lagging. Use the game as style tips. Study your favorite players’ flow and replicate, replicate, replicate. Unlike other MLL seasons, it’s essentially a nine-team race for four playoff spots—guess who’s out already?—so this season must be watched. But please, do it in the stands.
1) Become HEADstrong. Notice the propagation of neon green on the fields this summer? Players around the country are supporting the HEADstrong Foundation, formed in honor of Nicholas “Head” Colleluori, a Hofstra player who suffered from Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma before succumbing in 2006. Nick even drew up the logo for the foundation before his death.
The Lizards, in particular, sport the neon green in mass, but other teams have followed their leads as well. The HEADstrong Foundation sells wristbands, string kits, shoe laces and apparel that help support Lymphoma research. Colleluori has been an inspiration for teams as close as on the island to as far as Midwest programs like Notre Dame. Give yourself an excuse to sport neon green and buy the kit, the laces—and most of all, donate.
Plus, who doesn’t want to wear neon green? Sick flow, for a good cause.
MLL POWER RANKINGS
- Denver. If teams on the west don’t speed up, Denver may run away with the Western Conference. When a FOGO scores two goals in a huge division battle, you know Denver is the team to beat.
- Washington. The Bayhawks made a deal with the devil and stole a game from the Rattlers. Chris Garrity, Conor Gill and Kyle Dixon need to stay hot to make a run at Rochester the rest of the season. But everyone else needs to step up.
- Rochester. Those angry Canadians will be back. In full force. Unlike the Powells, Mark Millon and Tom Marechek, John Grant Jr. has the build and playing style to remain in this league well into his 40’s.
- Long Island. The draft was just the energy boost this once-SoBe-themed team needed. Ben Rubeor could make waves as Cascade Rookie of the Year. To get the next level, however, the Lizards will need to find stability between Nick Murtha and Matt McMonagle.
- Boston. The goalie situation looks better, but for how much longer? Once Paul Rabil finds his shot, he’ll be unstoppable. Start watching Terminator 1 and 2.
- Los Angeles. Depending on perspective, Terry Riordan and Jesse Hubbard leading the Riptide in scoring can either be a blessing or curse. How much will the two have left come August? The Riptide had a chance to make a huge statement against Denver last week but floundered.
- Philadelphia/Homeless. Brian Dougherty used to be like a fine Philly Cheesesteak: he gets saltier, slimier and better with age. But it looks like he had one cheesesteak too many. The Barrage have looked as bad as they have since their move to Philadelphia, and it may get worse.
- San Francisco. The Dragons’ win over the Machine was a great confidence booster for a young team with a ton of midfielders but not so much direction. They could be laughing by the end if a ragtag core of Jake Byrne and Mike Podgajny make a run.
- Chicago. The Leveille brothers are a poor man’s Powell brothers. There. I said it. Otherwise, Pat Heim’s dad is awesome. So is Pat Heim. And Matt Damon. And at times, the Machine. Flashes of brilliance put some hope in the Windy City.
- New Jersey. As Quint said, a rotisserie baseball league idiot could look good with double digit draft picks. And they did, for a few days. Yay Quint! Now he can go back to telling fans the wonders of the pinched stick and alloy shaft like we’re from Kuala Lampur. Anyway, as much as Leif Elsmo thinks the entire Pride roster can’t comprehend Matt Danowski’s feeding brilliance, maybe Danowski, instead, needs some adjusting? 356 points in college. 0 in the MLL. Welcome to the big leagues.
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